


Redemption

by raven_puff



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Rey Nobody, Reylo - Freeform, awkward space virgins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_puff/pseuds/raven_puff
Summary: Following the battle of Crait, Rey and Ben find themselves even more frustrated and isolated. Wondering if the bond they share through the Force has truly been severed, they attempt to continue their work with the Resistance and First Order, respectively. However, their bond will prove to be stronger than either of them could have imagined. Together, they will struggle to find the belonging and balance that they both have been so desperately seeking.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this since TLJ so I have a lot of it complete already but I am forever tweaking it!

Winter's Weather- As It Is

How long, how long ’til I’m no longer a shadow  
‘Cause I’ve been thinking I’d so love to feel again  
Silence; I screamed her name  
And wondered why you never came  
I wear my...  
I wear my curse you wear my cure

(I feel destined)  
I never thought I’d be this way  
(For disaster)  
Without you I’d just fade away

Please see in me what I can’t see, I’m begging  
Please won’t you be the light I need so desperately

My heart has habits  
Of silhouetting all my sense  
I get your worth, you get my...  
You get my worst

(I feel destined)  
I never thought I’d be this way  
(For disaster)  
Without you I’d just fade away

Please see in me what I can’t see, I’m begging  
Please won’t you be the light I need so desperately

I look for love in everybody else  
‘Cause I tried but I can’t love myself

Please see in me what I can’t see, I’m begging  
I’m begging, I’m begging...

Hold me close in winter’s weather  
I’m too weak to pull myself together  
Hold me close in winter’s weather  
I’m too weak to pull myself together

I’ve tried so hard to grow  
In a place without your warmth  
Now there’s nowhere left for me  
Unless it’s safe between your arms  
Safe between your arms

Please see in me what I can’t see, I’m begging  
Please won’t you be the light I need so desperately

I look for love in everybody else  
‘Cause I tried but I can’t love myself

Please see in me what I can’t see, I’m begging

Chapter 1:

The pain inflicted deep within the confines of her chest after closing the door to the Falcon was unlike anything she had ever experienced. And she had known pain before.

The physical kind of pain, like the time she was lost in the endless, swirling, dust storms of Jakku. By the time she had found her way back she was burnt to a crisp, dehydrated, starved, and had been stumbling around the desert for three days on a sprained ankle. Despite being ill and having a sprained ligament, she awoke at dawn the next morning to scavenge because she knew if she didn’t, she would spend a fourth day without food.

Then there was emotional pain. The pain of being abandoned as a child. Never knowing who her parents were or why they had left her. The pain of knowing deep down that they would never return, but always holding on to that small glimmer of hope. The pain of adding a mark on the wall for every day she lived without knowing who they were. 

This pain was different. It was worse. It was soul-crushing and all-consuming. She wanted to cry out to him. To him, this broken boy that now knelt before her. The pain in his soft, brown eyes as he looked up at her, pleading, was too much for her.

For the briefest moment she paused. This boy had saved her life. He had offered her the galaxy. She wondered briefly what that life could be like. This broken boy, and her, a girl from nowhere, who had nothing, with the galaxy at their fingertips.

She let the vision pass almost as swiftly as it had appeared. With firm resolution, she closed the door to the Falcon and turned from their future together. 

The pain. It was almost too much for her to bear. It crushed her like the unyielding weight of a boulder atop her chest. She felt tears building up at the corner of her eye and swiped them away furiously. 

And then the pain was suddenly replaced with another emotion. Anger. Anger like she had never felt before. Rage. It burned in her chest like an all-consuming fire. She balled up her fists and tried to take calming breaths as the ocean of anger washed over her.

She sat down in a corner of the Falcon and just when she thought the waves would swallow her up, they dissipated. She stood up, wiped the sweat from her brow, and made her way through the Falcon’s maze to find the only people she had ever called friends.

He felt betrayed, and he felt angry. But more than that, he felt broken. 

As he kneeled on the ground and watched her close the door to the Falcon, he waited for the waves of rage to overtake him again like they always did. He was used to his anger masking every other emotion. That was how he had been trained; to use his anger as a weapon. He waited, but they never came.

Instead, he was left with a throbbing pain in his chest so sharp that he was unable to breathe. He had offered her everything and yet here he was, kneeling in the dirt as he watched her close the door on him. 

This girl who had come from nothing. He had offered her the galaxy and she denied him. The initial rage had left him spent, as it usually did and was now replaced by something far worse. Feelings he had experienced all too often before. Brokenness. Loneliness. It was almost as if a part of him had left with her when she closed the door on their future.

“Supreme Leader, if we wait much longer they will have gotten away for good,” Hux snarled from the entrance.

He heard Hux’s words but they barely registered as he continued to sit with his head bowed. 

“Ren!” Hux demanded. 

Kylo stood up abruptly and ran his gloved hand down his face to wipe away the sweat from the battle, as well as the moisture that had been building in his eyes. “Pull the troops out and return to our ship,” Kylo boomed as he stormed past Hux.

“Right away, Supreme Leader.” Hux turned swiftly on the soles of his boots and followed Kylo through the cave entrance.

8 months later...

Loneliness. It was all she ever felt. Even when she was surrounded by the people she loved most. Anger. In the early hours of the morning, while those loved ones still slept peacefully, she would take her staff and swing it at invisible enemies until her arms ached.

One morning while training, she accidentally hit a boulder inside the cave. The force from the staff had caused the boulder to split into pieces. The noise reverberated off the cave walls and echoed far into the chasm. A few bleary-eyed Resistance fighters wandered out from their bunks and regarded Rey questioningly. 

“Hey kid, why don’t you watch where you’re swinging that thing?” Poe chuckled, and then winked at Rey as he and the others made their way back to the bunks. Rey managed a faint smile as she felt the blush begin to leave her cheeks. She felt awful for waking them up after such a long night. Especially with a noise that had probably resembled a bomb detonation. 

She didn’t know of any other ways to relieve the anger that was constantly welling up inside of her. She rarely slept. And when she did, her dreams were always of their departure on Crait. As much as she would have loved to sleep without him haunting her dreams, part of her was terrified that she would forget what he looked like.

She hadn’t seen or heard from him in eight months. In that time, the Resistance had discovered a hideout far in the Outer Rim. The planet closely resembled Takodana, or at least the one time she was able to view the scenery, the similarity was what first sprang to her mind.

Since they had arrived on the planet eight months earlier, Rey had only ventured outside occasionally by cover of night. It was an old Resistance base, similar to the one on Crait, but far better equipped. Their shelter lay deep within the rugged mountains. Miles into the mountain loomed the impenetrable entrance to the hidden base. Once inside, the Rebels were equipped with everything from bunkbeds, weapons, ammunition, vehicles, and a supply of food.

For months they sent distress signals and waited in their cave for any signs of other Rebels in the Outer Rim. And when it seemed that all hope was lost, that no one in the galaxy would respond to their signal, other Rebels slowly but surely began to join their cause.

In eight months, the Resistance had almost tripled in size. Of course, it was not a massive group by any means, but that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was that their cause was no longer hopeless; against all odds they had reignited the spark.

He felt as though he hadn’t slept in months. He probably hadn’t. The feeling was nothing new, but combined with the anger, despair, and abandonment; he was constantly on edge.

At first, he tried to take his newly afforded power in stride. He was in charge. Of everything. He expected, and hoped that it would bring him some amount of solace. However, the only small amount of relief he ever received came from his memories of her.

Since they parted, their Force bond had been severed. Or at least, that’s what he assumed. He didn’t fully understand how the bond functioned, but he figured it had been closed for good. The realization that his connection to her had been lost cut through him even deeper than the resentful glance she gave him as she closed the door to the Falcon.

At first, he had let his rage consume him. How dare she deny him after he had offered her everything he had. Looking back, he finally came to the realization that she would never have accepted his offer because she didn’t understand it. In her mind, he wanted her to join him in his tyrannical rule over the galaxy with the full force of the First Order behind him.

That wasn’t what he had intended at all. He tried to explain this to her, but in his frenzied adrenaline rush following the murder of his former master, he hadn’t been as clear of his intentions as he had hoped. To create a new order, to forge a new future, they had to bring an end to the old ways. Everything had to die. Not literally, but figuratively.

He wished more than anything that he could explain this to her. Again. More rationally. That together, they could restore peace to the galaxy. There was so much more that he wished to tell her too. Thoughts so deep and personal that he rarely allowed his mind to wander into them. 

One evening, as he stood in the recently rebuilt throne room by himself, he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to stray. His thoughts went straight to her. To the battle they had fought in that very room, together. The way they had moved together was like nothing he had ever experienced. By himself he was powerful. When he allowed his rage to overtake him, he was unstoppable. But with her by his side…

Their movements had been so in tune with each other. He knew their Force bond had played a large role. He thought back to their fight in the forest; when she allowed the Force to take over and had pulled energy from him. The way he moved and fought, his rage, all mirrored in front of him in this small girl who had never had any proper training.

When they fought against each other, the power between them was extraordinary. When they fought together, their power was unrelenting. It was also so natural, the way neither of them had to even think about their movements together. He recalled the way she had grabbed his thigh, so he could hoist her on his back, thrusting backwards so that she was able to decimate two guards at once. 

As he recalled those memories freely, he felt an unfamiliar feeling stirring below his belt. Sweat began to bead on his temples and he wiped it away with his glove. He wanted to hold onto that feeling forever. He never wanted anything to come between them, but he had allowed himself to come between them. 

After a while, he was unable to restrain himself any longer. Ben reached with his mind. He reached out to her, the girl from Jakku in a desperate hope that not all had been lost between them. 

It was late at night and Rey lay wide awake on her bottom bunk. As she faced the cave wall, she listened to the soft snores of the women of the Resistance in their bunks around her. 

Every night was the same. She would lie down, get comfortable in her bunk (or as comfortable as she could against the cave wall). She would wish for sleep to take her, but it never did. In a couple of hours, after she was sure everyone was asleep, she would get her staff and let the anger course through her until she was utterly spent. Then she would return to her bunk and occasionally drift into a meaningless slumber until the rest of the Resistance stirred.

It was a constant battle within her mind to keep memories of him from surfacing. When she was exhausted, it was even more difficult. Tonight, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from him. She gave in and allowed her mind to wander to memories of Ben.

Suddenly, time seemed to stand still. The soft noises of the snoring women around her dispelled and he was there, with her. She could see him as clearly as she could see the wall of the cave.

“Ben?” She gasped, instinctively reaching for a weapon, any weapon.

“Rey, it’s you.” He seemed almost relieved.

She could feel the anger beginning to bubble within. “I thought this,” she motioned between them, “was gone.”

“Me too,” he breathed. Again, almost as if he were comforted by the revelation that their Force bond still existed.

She could feel her cheeks beginning to burn. “You can’t be here,” she hissed.

“Where?” he questioned.

“Where I am!”

“I’m not able to see your surroundings. Just you.” 

She exhaled, relieved that he was unaware of her surroundings. If she had given away any slight hint as to the location of the Resistance because she was secretly connected to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, she would never be able to forgive herself.

For a moment, she studied his face. The scar she had left on his right side from their fight on Takodana had completely healed. It was now just a faint scar that extended from his temple past his shirt collar.

He seemed to sense her thoughts. “It’s ok,” he whispered, absentmindedly touching his cheek.

“I wasn’t apologizing.” She snapped. In the dim light, she thought she saw the slightest twitch raise the corner of his lips. “Ben…what are you doing here?”

His face quickly reverted to a solemn expression. “I think you know the answer to your question, Rey.”

She really didn’t. Although she had allowed her mind to wander to him, they never really did quite figure out how their bond worked or what it was that made them connect at particular times.

“I just…I mean I can’t…” and as suddenly as he had whispered the words, he disappeared. 

She was left alone again, with the faint sounds of the snoring women around her as she tried to calm her rapid breaths.


	2. Chapter 2

In her spare time, Rey poured over the Jedi texts. She wanted more than anything to be able to repair the blue lightsaber that had been split between her and Kylo. As much as she loved, and continued to train with her staff, it just wasn’t the same. 

Several people in the Resistance had offered their expertise on fixing the lightsaber. Rey smiled and nodded politely at their futile attempts, knowing that nothing they tried would actually work.

The following night, Rey sat awake in her bunk studying the Jedi texts with a small light by her side. This time, she sensed him before she saw him. He looked tired, defeated. Part of her wanted to reach out to him, to offer comfort.

“What are you reading?” he asked in his low, dulcet tone.

“The ancient Jedi texts.”

“Why?” before she had the chance to respond, he continued, “You don’t need those. I can teach you everything you need to know about the Force.”

“And why would I want _you_ to teach me about the Force?”__

_ _ His face seemed to fall slightly, and she immediately regretted her sharp response. _ _

_ _ “I was trained by one of the greatest Jedi Masters that ever lived. As well as by one of the most powerful Sith lords. I know everything there is to know about the Force. To truly understand it, you must be willing to learn about both sides.”_ _

_ _ Rey felt a strange clenching in her chest as she recalled Ben’s memory of his Jedi Master looming over him as he slept peacefully. Then she recalled Snoke, who had trained Kylo Ren to be his most powerful apprentice. Suddenly, it wasn’t the Force that she was interested in learning about._ _

_ _ “Will you tell me about something else?” she asked._ _

_ _ “Anything.” Her eyes searched his and he seemed afraid of what she might ask next._ _

_ _ “Will you tell me about Snoke? About how you became his apprentice after that night with Luke?”_ _

_ _ He inhaled slowly. “What would you like to know?”_ _

_ _ “Everything.” Suddenly, she extended her hand to him as she had that night on Ach-To in the Jedi hut. She left her hand extended to him, fingers trembling slightly as she waited for his response. _ _

_ _

_ _ Ben glanced behind him quickly to make sure he was still alone in his room. Then he removed his glove and set it on the side of his bed. He slowly reached out to her and gently took her hand in his. Her hand was tiny compared to his, so soft and delicate. He resisted a smile at the realization that Rey’s hand was being engulfed by his in front of his eyes. He didn’t miss the small turn at the corner of her lip as she glanced down at their hands between them. _ _

_ _ “Snoke had always had his mind set on me,” he began, “before I was even born. He knew of the power that ran through my veins and nothing would have stopped him from getting inside my mind. He had already begun to penetrate my thoughts before I even realized my powers. For as long as I can remember, there was always a voice, a presence in the back of my mind.”_ _

_ _ His memories shifted agonizingly to a time when he was very young, around two or three. He had just woken up from another night terror and was gripping his father’s shirt in his tiny fists, tears streaming down his face. Han offered words of comfort, holding his son against his chest and attempting to rock him back to sleep. After a while, Ben drifted off into another restless sleep, only to awaken again, crying from another nightmare an hour or two later. _ _

_ _ “That was my reality for years. Constant nightmares, not being able to sleep soundly for more than an hour or two at a time before he called to me again. My parents constantly tired and stressed because they weren’t sleeping and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t either.”_ _

_ _ He felt Rey involuntarily tighten her grip on his hand. He didn’t mind; he never wanted her to let go. “Did you ever tell your parents?”_ _

_ _ “I tried. My father never truly understood the Force. My mother could sense the darkness and became concerned. She had always feared that her father’s traits would manifest themselves through me. So, she sent me away.”_ _

_ _ “She sent you to train with your uncle, a Jedi master.”_ _

_ _ “She saw the power within me and became afraid. She was also busy with political ventures and was hardly around.”_ _

_ _ Rey frowned. “She cared about you then, and she still does.”_ _

_ _ He felt himself becoming frustrated and went to pull his hand away from hers. She tightened her grip. “What happened after Luke tried to kill you?”_ _

_ _ “I tried to tell the other students what had happened. Half of them joined me while the other half…they tried to fight us, but they lost.” He diverted his gaze to avoid the inevitable look he knew was in her eyes. He didn’t want her to think of him as a monster anymore._ _

_ _ “And then you turned to Snoke?”_ _

_ _ He met her gaze again. “I had fought the darkness within me my entire life. My whole life I tried to fight _him_. After that night with Luke, I finally accepted my fate. If my own uncle saw me as a monster, as someone whose life he needed to end; then I must really _be_ a monster. Snoke was the only one I could turn to. The only person I had left. He trained me as his apprentice and-”_____ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ “He used and manipulated you,” Rey cut in. She stared at him, daring him to argue with her statement. “Ben, that wasn’t _you_. You never had the chance to decide who you’d become. The decision was made for you as soon as Luke became aware of the darkness in your mind. He never allowed you to decide which path to follow. He decided for you.”___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ She watched as tears began to build in the corners of his eyes. “Ben, you were, and still are, incredibly strong in the Light.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ He frowned, confused. “To have resisted Snoke for that long; since you were a baby. To have fought the darkness for so long, only someone incredibly strong in the Light could have kept fighting for that many years. You’re stronger in the Light than you realize, Ben.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Suddenly, Rey glanced behind her. “I have to go.” And then, he was left alone again in his room. He wiped the moisture that had been building in his eyes and returned his glove to his hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Tell me about Jakku,” he whispered the following night. She was in her usual spot on her bottom bunk and they were holding hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “What about it?” She dreaded the subject._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Everything.”  
She knew she wouldn’t be able to talk about it, so instead she closed her eyes and allowed him to penetrate her thoughts. She showed him everything she remembered, every memory she had of that god-forsaken planet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Her memories began as far back as she could remember, when she was abandoned. She remembered screaming as a ship flew into the sky and a large man dragged her away. She had always been adamant that her parents had been on that ship, but now she wasn’t so sure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ She showed him what is was like to grow up there alone. She learned from day 1 that the only thing that mattered was survival. In order to survive, she had to eat. In order to eat, she had to work. She learned the ways of a scavenger quickly. Where to find valuable parts, how to make junk parts look valuable, and most importantly, how to protect herself. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ She showed him her ‘home’ built out of an old AT-AT walker. Tears began to stream down her cheeks as she recalled the wall where she put a mark at the end of every day she spent on her own. Countless marks for the countless days her parents had not returned. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Her memories shifted to BB-8, the first true friend she had found on Jakku, and the annoyance that had quickly turned to compassion for the small droid when she realized he was being hunted. She cut off Ben’s connection before Finn entered her memories. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Rey opened her eyes to find Ben’s brow deeply furrowed and his palm damp inside hers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Fuck, Rey.” He murmured. His voice was hoarse and full of sorrow._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ She tried to smile as she wiped the tears from her face with her free hand. He studied her, and she felt uncomfortable being the subject of his intense gaze. For a few moments, it was silent as he processed the memories she had showed him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “You’re tired.” He whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ And she was. It had been a long day planning with the Resistance and training. She couldn’t help but smirk though, because she knew that he was just as exhausted, judging by the dark circles under his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “You look like you haven’t slept in years.” She pointed out with concern in her tone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “I haven’t. Not properly.” It was almost like a punch to the stomach because after seeing his memory of him as a small boy and then Luke looming over his sleeping body as a teenager, she knew it was true._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Will you stay?” She blurted out, warmth rising through her cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ He didn’t even hesitate. “Of course.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Here, you can lie down.” She motioned nervously to the bed that he couldn’t actually see._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ He looked at her quizzically and then shifted so that he was lying next to her, still holding her hand. She leaned back against her pillow, breathed deeply, and closed her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

He woke before she did and watched her breaths rise and fall next to him. Her face was free of any apprehensions; the small furrow between her brow was absent in her peaceful slumber. He looked down between them at their hands, still joined and resting between their stomachs.

Ben breathed deeply as he continued to study her sleeping form. A sense of calm and rejuvenation flowed through him. He was unable to recall the last time he had slept so soundly. Last night, for the first time in a very long time, he had been able to sleep. There had been no nightmares, whispers, or the fear of falling asleep only to wake up suddenly fearing for his life. Just himself, Rey sleeping soundly next to him, and their hands clasped together. 

The embarrassment of her waking up to find him studying her so intensely was enough to bring him back to the present. Any minute now, Hux would be calling him to the throne room with the latest information on the search for the Resistance. Ben sighed heavily, gently let Rey’s hand slide to her stomach and stood up.

Kylo reluctantly made his way to the throne room where he knew Hux would be awaiting his arrival. He walked down the corridor slowly, with heavy footsteps that echoed off the freshly polished black floor. He fucking hated going to the throne room. It had been Hux’s idea to rebuild the Supremacy after the mass destruction; as he refused to ‘cower like frightened animals on a foreign planet.’ 

The throne room held nothing but depraved memories that continued to haunt him every time he stepped foot inside it. In that room he had been berated, insulted, and abused by his former master. He had offered Rey a proposal which she had refused, leaving him devastated and angry. The only good memory he had of that room was when they had fought together as one.

After his falling out with Rey and Luke on Crait, he had lost all the energy it would have taken to argue with Hux about anything. He was completely spent, physically and mentally, and he suspected Hux knew this. Kylo had suddenly received the title of Supreme Leader after killing Snoke, but to him that’s all it was; a title. In his apathetic state of mind, he allowed Hux to make most decisions regarding the remnants of the First Order; never hesitating to put him in his place if need be.

As he could have predicted, this morning’s meeting was no different than any other. Hux assured him that they were close to tracking the Resistance. They had recruited more Storm Troopers and their forces continued to grow.

“Is there anything more?” Ren asked.

He could see the vein on Hux’s forehead beginning to bulge as his jaw tightened. “What do you mean, _is there anything more?_” 

“You give the same enthusiastic update every morning. Nothing ever changes. We’re as close to locating the Resistance today as we were five months ago.”

“How dare you! You don’t even care if we find them or not! This whole time we have been slaving away while you-”

Ren stepped towards him swiftly. “General Hux, when you have something of actual importance regarding the location of the Resistance, do let me know,” he breathed menacingly into Hux’s face.

Hux quickly wiped the look of agitation from his face. “Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Ren turned and made his way to the elevator leading to the throne room. Every interaction he and Hux had was usually the same. Hux would get sassy as fuck and Ren would have to remind him who was really in charge. After such a restful night’s sleep, he was in a surprisingly positive mood and opted to only verbally intimidate Hux this time.

She seemed slightly distant that night. He studied her face; the slight furrow in her brow had returned. He knew what she was thinking, of course he did. But he wanted her to ask him out loud. 

“Why did you do it?” She finally blurted. “Why did you kill your father?”

“I never wanted to,” he paused, knowing the weight that his next words would carry. “Just like you never wanted to, either.”

The shared energy between them immediately shifted as Rey stared at him in abject horror. 

“I…_what?_ How dare you…” She trailed off, tears welling in her eyes, no longer meeting his gaze.

“Rey,” he encouraged gently, “you know what happened to your parents. You’ve always known. You’ve just hidden the truth so well and so deeply, hoping you would never have to face to the truth.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she hissed as she tried to turn away from him.

“Rey, tell me what happened that night,” he pleaded as he gently took her arm to keep her from leaving.

He took her hand in his, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. Tears streaming down her face and body trembling, she reluctantly began to show him bits and pieces of what happened that night. 

The fire. She had no idea how it had happened. She had been angry, so angry, although she couldn’t remember why or what had caused the outburst. 

“Mama!” She screamed as she watched the flames engulf the small room where they used to eat dinner and play games. 

“Mama! No!” Coughing, choking, she tried to make her way towards her mother.

“Rey! Get back! Now!” Her father yelled as he desperately tried to lift a large piece of fallen furniture from his wife.

“Mama! I didn’t mean to! Mama-”

“Rey! GET BACK!” Her father yelled, coughing.

The smoke was too much for her. The inferno around her slowly began to grow dark, her head swimming. When she came to, the first thing sounds she heard were the quiet sobs of her father. She opened her eyes and looked around, not recognizing her surroundings.

“Papa?” As soon as her father realized she was awake, he quickly wiped the tears from his face.

“Rey,” he smiled sadly before wrapping her in his arms in a tight, relieved hug.

“Where is Mama?” she asked, coughing slightly. “What happened?”

“Oh, Rey,” her father looked down at her, tears beginning to well in his eyes. “It’s going to be alright; I promise. You’re going to be safe.”

Quizzically, the little girl studied her father’s somber face. “What do you mean? Where is Mama?”

Her memory of that night shifted to a small girl being led away by a large man on a desert terrain. The girl with three buns in her hair watched in horror as a ship disappeared into the sky overhead.

“NO!” She screamed, trying to wretch her arm away from the man. “Come back!”

Ben sat in shock as Rey completely fell apart in front of him. “It’s my fault!” She yelled, fingertips scraping her scalp. “It’s my fault!”

Ben tried to take her hands in his, away from her hair, but she smacked them away. “Don’t touch me! Get away from me!”

He immediately dropped his hands to his sides, his heart breaking for the broken girl in front of him.

“Rey,” he whispered, “It wasn’t your fault-”

“Get _away_ from me!” She shoved him backwards, hard enough for him to smack his head on the wall behind his bed.

The next thing Rey knew, she was huddled on the cold floor of the cave next to her bunk. “It’s my fault!” She kept repeating over and over, her arms wrapped tightly around her shins. 

She vaguely registered the bleary-eyed women that had been awoken by her yelling standing around her.

“Excuse me, watch out! Excuse me, thank you.” Suddenly, Rose was by her side hugging Rey’s trembling body against her.

“Rey, what happened?” Rose asked, stroking her damp hair.

“It’s my fault,” Rey’s voice was now just a whisper as she continued to repeat the phrase.

“What is your fault? What happened?”

“It’s my fault. All of it.”

“Give us some space, please.” Rose hissed over her shoulder to the women standing over them. “She’ll be fine, just, space please.”

Reluctantly, the other women returned to their bunks whispering quietly among themselves. If they hadn’t thought Rey was strange before, they certainly would now.


	4. Chapter 4

He didn’t try to visit her for a few nights. He knew he had pushed her beyond her limits, and he wouldn’t be welcome for a while. After a week, he was unable to stay away any longer and cautiously reached out for her.

She felt his presence but continued to ignore him, going about her usual nightly routine. “Rey,” he began nervously, “You can be upset with me, that’s fine. But it wasn’t your fault and you need to understand that.”

“It _was_ my fault. I killed my mother.” There was no emotion in her voice or eyes when she finally turned to face him. She looked awful, like she hadn’t slept in days.

“It _wasn’t_,” he insisted. “Rey,” he reached out his hand for hers in a gesture that had become so familiar and natural to them.

She considered his slightly trembling fingers, her gaze still devoid of any emotion. Reluctantly, she took his hand and sat down next to him on her bed. Her tears immediately began to fall onto her lap. He wanted so desperately to put his arm around her, to hold her to him, but he didn’t know if he should.

Wordlessly giving him permission, she leaned her head against his shoulder. He gently draped his arm around her as she sobbed into him.

“Your power, Rey. I’ve never seen or felt anything like it. Even as a child, you were stronger than you ever could have imagined. You couldn’t control it. Your mother’s death was not your fault.”

“My father,” she whispered through her tears, “do you think he’s still-” For a moment, she allowed herself the slightest bit of hope. Ben’s arm tightened around her. She knew the truth. She had always known; she had just buried it more deeply than she realized. 

Her father barely made it back to their home world before he was murdered. He had left her on the desolate planet of Jakku for her protection. The fire hadn’t been her first accident, just the most destructive. 

He knew that in the aftermath the Empire would be looking for her; a young girl with that kind of unexplainable power wouldn’t be able to stay hidden from them. Of course, he refused to give them her location and was tortured and finally murdered.

“My father died too," she admitted. "They both died because of me.” 

“Your father saved you.”

“I just wish-I wish that I could talk them again, apologize to them both.”

“I know,” he sighed. 

He had almost drifted off when he was caught off-guard by her question. “Why did you kill your father?” His body stiffened next to hers. He knew the question was coming, but he was still unprepared to answer it.

Ben took a deep breath and allowed her to penetrate his memories of that night on Starkiller Base.

Ben had never hated his father. He had felt abandoned by both of his parents, but he never hated either one of them and certainly never intended to murder his own father. He knew the consequences if he didn’t go through with it though, and sensed that his father did as well.

That night on the bridge, he confessed his pain and suffering; the pull between the light and the dark that felt as though he was literally being ripped apart from the inside. There were nights he would lie awake wishing he could just end all of it because the agony was too much. He had to either allow the dark to completely consume him, or return to the light for his suffering to finally subside.

When Han pleaded with him to come home, it felt like a punch to the stomach. All he had ever needed was the support of his family; what he had received instead was exile. For a split second he thought he could have thrown all of it away and accepted his father’s offer to return home. But then the anger once again consumed him.   
Of course, he would offer help now, when Ben was already so far gone. Where was he and his mother when he tried to explain everything that was happening to him as a young boy? Instead of helping their son, they shipped him off to train with his uncle who had tried to murder him.

But the anger and hurt that had plagued Ben for years wasn’t enough to cause him to murder his own father. “I know what I have to do,” he whispered, “but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

In that moment, he knew that his father would have done anything to help his desperate son. Kylo unhitched the hilt of his light saber from his belt and held it in his hands between them. His eyes began to water, and his hands shook so much that he was afraid he would drop the weapon. Han took his son’s hands in his own to steady them as father and son studied each other in the dim light. 

“I’m sorry, Ben.” Han whispered. Then Kylo pressed the button to activate the light saber. The red, fiery beam shot out instantly but Kylo hesitated in a moment of contemplation. Then suddenly, with his hands still covering his son’s, Han pulled the hilt towards him and into his chest.

He placed his hand on his son’s cheek and then fell backwards over the bridge and to his death. Ben stared in horror until Chewie roared behind him and shot him in the side with his blaster. He thought if he could bring himself to kill his father, the dark would finally consume him, and at last he would be free of his pain. He had not anticipated his father sacrificing himself for him. Ben instantly felt the waves of agony begin to wash over him and wished that Chewie had fatally shot him.

He opened his moist eyes to find Rey with her mouth agape and tears streaming down her face. “Han knew what was going to happen; he sacrificed himself for you.”

Ben’s voice was hoarse and filled with anguish. “He knew what would happen to me if I returned to Snoke without completing my task.”

Rey looked slightly relieved. “I still drove my lightsaber into him. I’m still the monster from the forest, Rey.”

“Kylo Ren is the monster from the forest.” She lay down on her pillow and he tentatively followed her movement placing his head on his own. “It’s still not too late for you, Ben Solo. Your father knew it and deep down, I believe you do too.” With her head resting next to his, she laced her fingers between his and closed her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

For a couple weeks they continued to meet each other at night after everyone was asleep and they were completely alone. And for those weeks they slept peacefully with the comfort and protection of the other so near. 

On one particular morning, Rey woke up to find Ben’s arm wrapped loosely around her waist. She froze for a moment and stared, considering the feeling of his warm body on hers. It was such a foreign feeling to her; to have someone sleeping next to her, to be able to feel the sensation of his body heat on her. She felt comforted by his presence, and she also felt her perpetual loneliness beginning to slowly dissolve. Sighing contentedly, she fell back asleep under the weight of his arm.

Not long after she had drifted off again, she was awoken by a light tapping on her arm. Panic seized her chest at the thought of someone in the Resistance finding her in bed with the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Once out of her haze she immediately calmed down when she realized how ridiculous her fear had been.

She opened her eyes to find Rose timidly tapping her arm. “Rey?” She whispered, “are you awake?”

“I am now,” Rey smiled up at the tiny Resistance mechanic, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

“Hey, good morning! So, Finn and I are going to go outside to take some food and munitions to the guards and gather some more food. Would you like to come with us?”

Rey couldn’t remember the last time she had been outside the shelter during the day, and the thought of fresh air and sunlight was too tempting to pass up. “Ya, absolutely! Let me just change really quick.”

“Ok, great! Meet us by the entrance when you’re ready, we’re still packing up.”

At the entrance to the cave Finn, Rose, and a couple other Resistance members were still loading the food and munitions onto a cart that was attached to R2-D2. When they were finally ready, the impenetrable steel door was raised, and they made their way through the dark tunnel led by R2-D2’s light.

When they had first arrived at the hidden base, no one imagined going outside for months. While it was still dangerous, it was clear that the First Order had no leads on their whereabouts and their leaders felt it was ok to go outside for short periods when completely necessary. In fact, Rey sometimes came out here at night to train under the cover of darkness. Leia wasn’t particularly fond of the idea, but she understood that the cramped quarters of the cave were not ideal training grounds. 

After they had delivered the packages to the grateful guards on duty outside the cave entrance, the four made their way down to the river. They found some rocks to sit on at the water’s edge and soaked in the sunlight. 

“It’s weird isn’t it?” Finn asked, “That we’ve heard nothing, had no sign from the enemy in months?”

“It’s a really well-hidden base,” Rose responded, “so well-hidden that you have to have connections with someone in the Resistance to even know it exists.”

“I don’t buy it. There is nothing that the First Order isn’t aware of. They must be stalling. But why?”

Finn turned to Rey, who was leaning back on her arms soaking in as much sun as she could. The weather was warm, with a slight breeze that rustled through the forest trees. “What do you think, Rey?”

“Huh?” Rey was quickly pulled from her thoughts of a lonely boy millions of parsecs away and back to the present.

“Shh, Finn. Let her sun-bathe in peace.” Rose laughed.

But Finn was persistent. “What do you think about the First Order? Why haven’t they tracked us yet?” 

“I don’t know,” Rey responded, “they took some really heavy losses and might be rebuilding like we are.”

“Ya, I don’t buy it.” Finn scowled. “It’s really hard to believe they haven’t tracked us by now.”

“If they had tracked us, I would know.”

“How would you know if they’ve tracked us?”

Rey’s stomach dropped. She knew the First Order wasn’t aware of their location because Ben wasn’t aware of _her_ location. Since they started meeting, she had been afraid she would slip up and say something ridiculous that would cause the others to question her knowledge of the First Order. Like she just had.

“I mean, if they had tracked us, they’d be here already, wouldn’t they?”

“Duh, obviously Finn.” Rose teased.

“Ya, I guess.” Finn’s brow furrowed, “Something just doesn’t seem right.”

After contemplating for a while, they all walked down the river to pick berries to bring back. The last time anyone had ventured out to get food, one of the ladies had cooked the best (and only) pie Rey had ever had. Her mouth began to water as she thought of the thick crust cooking over their fire pit.

That evening after dinner (with a berry pie for desert), the Resistance members sat around telling stories and jokes. Finn and Rose sat next to her, quietly whispering among themselves; seemingly lost in their own little world. Rey stayed for a bit but then quietly retreated to her bunk.

For as long as she could remember, the only thing she had ever truly wanted was to have a family; to feel as though she belonged somewhere. She had finally found that belonging within the Resistance. So why did she still feel so alone whenever she was around them? Even with Finn, the first (human) friend she had ever made; he was practically her family.

Thoughts and questions consumed her as she stared at the broken light saber in her hands.

“You’re still lonely because they don’t understand you. They never will. To them, you are powerful and intimidating; an anomaly. Oftentimes they are afraid of you and don’t know how to act around you because you’re different.” 

She could feel him studying her as a tear spilled over her cheek. “You know I’m right.” Ben continued softly. “It’s why you’ll never find your true belonging with them.” 

Rey smiled sadly and looked up into his eyes; begging, pleading. “Then where is my true belonging? Will I ever find it?”

Ben swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving hers. He took her hand gently in his and her breath hitched slightly. “When I asked you to join me, why didn’t you? I offered you everything and you denied me.”

She could feel the hurt in his words, cutting into her like knives. “You know I could never have accepted your offer.”

“Why not?” He moved closer to her, so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face. “We would have been perfect together. Powerful, unstoppable. We could have ended all of this.” He nodded towards the space around them.

“How? By force? I can’t imagine winning anyone over that way.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

He sighed, his warm breath continuing to caress her face. “Rey, your whole life you’ve been searching for your family, for belonging, for love…” His voice trailed slightly as he glanced down. “I offered you everything you could have ever wanted. I offered _everything_ I had. I killed Snoke for _you_.”

Gently, she took his chin in her free hand and angled it so that he was unable to look away from her. “Ben, don’t you understand? I never wanted power, the galaxy, or anything else you offered me in the Throne Room. The only thing I want is what you still aren’t able to give me.”

He looked tormented by his confusion. Her eyes trailed down to his plump, pouty lips and for the first time in her life she wondered what it would feel like to press her lips against someone else’s. She immediately recognized her own curiosity reflected in his eyes and felt her cheeks beginning to burn.

“What is it that you want, that I can’t offer you Rey?” He whispered hoarsely.

Her thoughts shifted back to the Throne Room and she allowed him a glimpse of her memory. After being separated by the explosion of the Legacy saber between them, she awoke to find herself on the cold floor. Through bleary eyes, she could make out the shape of his body on the ground across from her.

Fear seized her stomach as her vision cleared and she stared at his still body. She ran towards him and kneeling, placed her hand on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her fingers, steady and strong. 

Releasing a sigh of relief she hadn’t realized she had been holding, she gently moved the sweat-dampened hair from his face. Suddenly, she heard a noise from the elevator behind her and knew she had to leave. She quickly grabbed his light saber a few feet away from him on the floor and attached it to his belt.

“Ben,” she whispered as she studied his battle-scarred, yet peaceful face, “I’ll wait for you.” And then she was gone, making her way quickly from the destruction of the Throne Room before she could allow her emotions to get the best of her. 

She looked deep into his eyes, now filled with moisture, her fingers still resting on his chin. “The only thing I ever wanted was _you_, Ben. Just you.” 

He swallowed audibly and moved impossibly closer; his mouth so near that she could feel their warm breath intertwining as her lips parted. Somewhere very deep inside her chest, she knew that this was wrong. She knew that she shouldn’t. 

She had also never felt anything so _right_ before. Closing the minimal gap between their mouths, she pressed her lips firmly against his. He let out a shaky breath through his nose as he eagerly pressed his even more firmly against hers.__

_ _ They stayed that way for a moment, their feelings for each other pulsing like electricity through the Force. She had never kissed anyone before but decided immediately that she loved the sensation of his lips on hers; plump, pouty, and softer than she had imagined. _ _

_ _ Smiling slightly against his lips, she pulled back, curious as to his thoughts. Seeing her enthusiasm mirrored in his expression, she immediately leaned in towards him again, taking his bottom lip between her own. _ _

_ _ For a while they continued to explore each other’s lips. She reluctantly pulled away when she heard the other women beginning to turn in for the night. Before he left her, he smiled. A genuine smile that she had so longed to see. Knowing that she had been the one to cause it made unfamiliar emotions rise inside of her._ _


	6. Chapter 6

The warmth of her breath against his parted lips was almost too much for Ben to bear. He took a steady breath as he felt the same sensation from his memories of them in the Throne Room beginning to stir beneath his belt.

He had never felt anything like it, and he didn’t know what to do with these foreign feelings. Well, he did have an idea; but _that,_ wasn’t something that he could do, or even think of right now. His cheeks flushed slightly at the realization that Rey was probably reading his every thought and feeling at that moment. __

_ _ Heart pounding in his ears, he moved impossibly closer to her. He hesitated, not knowing if he should close the distance between them or wait for her to take the lead. His moment of hesitation didn’t last long. He smiled slightly the moment he felt her lips against his. Loving the fact that she _didn’t_ hesitate, he pressed his lips very enthusiastically against hers.___ _

_ _ _ _ His head was swimming; he had yearned for this moment for so long. And here, finally, was his scavenger, with her eager lips on his. Her closing the distance between them was proof that she _wanted_ him. She wanted him in the same way that he had wanted her since the moment he had recovered from her first invasion of his mind; the moment he knew that there was something unexplainable between them. She wanted him in a way that no one ever had.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ He had never kissed anyone before. Ever. Throughout his teenage years he had been busy training as a Jedi. While there were in fact girls at the Jedi camp, intermingling with them outside of classes and training was prohibited. Once he had become Snoke’s apprentice, there was very little that occupied his mind besides fear, anger, and isolation. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ The next few nights they met there was less talking and a lot more kissing. They were unable to keep their lips off of each other’s. The sensation of her lips was like nothing he had ever felt before, and he never wanted it to end. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ Her thumb was gently caressing his cheek as her lips continued to assault his senses. Tentatively he began to slowly move his hand, which had been resting shakily on her hip, along her ribs. Seemingly encouraging his exploring fingertips, she pressed herself impossibly closer to him, her breasts now pressed against his chest. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ Her fingers now moved from his cheek to the back of his neck, her fingernails grazing gently along his hair. Holding back a groan, his fingers continued to work their way up along her ribs until his hand rested beneath the swell of her breast. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ She paused her ministrations momentarily, her lips parted against his. He figured she was about to pull away because someone was coming, but she didn’t. It was then that he could sense her hesitation. She was…self-conscious, but about what? _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ Slowly, he cupped her breast in his palm, groaning internally and hoping that she wasn’t aware of the _effect_ this was having on him. She smirked slightly against his lips and they resumed kissing, his thumb gently circling her nipple through her shirt.___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ If he hadn’t been so consumed with Rey’s lips, breasts, scent, and absolutely everything about her in that perfect moment, he might have heard them in the hall outside his quarters. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Suddenly, the door to his quarters was thrown open. “Shit!” He yelled, pulling his lips away from Rey’s and whirling around to face the intruder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!” It was Hux, red-faced and rabid, storming into his room with a brigade of Storm Troopers on his heels._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Hux? What the fuck is going on? Get the hell out of my-” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “I KNEW it!” Hux practically foamed at the mouth as he made his way towards Ren. “_The girl killed Snoke_.” He imitated Ren’s response to his question after finding Snoke dead in the Throne Room. “Did you really think that I was that stupid? That I wouldn’t question the girl destroying the Throne Room, besting you, and killing Snoke all on her own? DID YOU?” Hux sneered as the Storm Troopers surrounded Ren.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Ben felt light-headed, almost to the point of passing out. He was still reeling from the intimacy he and Rey had been sharing and now, he was beyond confused. What the fuck was going on?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Instinctively, he turned to make sure Rey wasn’t actually in the same room as this unfathomable catastrophe. Within that split second, a Storm Trooper grabbed his hands to cuff them as another stunned him into shock and silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Shit!” Ben suddenly yelled and whirled away from her, stunned. She opened her eyes in shock, only to find herself staring at the dark wall of the cave._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Ben? What happened? Ben!” Suddenly, she felt a wave of nausea grip her stomach. Something was wrong, and Ben was in trouble; she could feel it. She jumped from her bed and tore through the gloom of the cave to find the only person she knew could help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Rey ran through the cave tripping and stumbling over the rocks she couldn’t see in the dark. Ben was hurt, he was in trouble. Tears streamed down her face as a rock caught her and she stumbled again, scraping her knees on the dirt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Rey? What’s going on? Are you alright?” It was Poe, with BB-8’s beam of light shining behind him. He grabbed her by her waist and put her arm around his shoulder as he helped her up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “I…I’m fine it’s just a scrape I have to-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Rey, calm down. Talk to me, what’s going on?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ There was no time to talk, and even if there had been, there was no way that Poe would possibly understand. “General Organa. Leia. I need to find her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “I’m pretty sure she’s asleep, can it wait until morning?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “It really can’t. It’s an emergency.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Poe’s brow furrowed, and he studied her. “Rey, what happened? Did you… _see_ something?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Rey could feel frustration beginning to build within her. “Poe, please! I can’t, I must find Leia. Please.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Ok, here take BB-8 so you don’t trip again.” He released his grip around her waist and looked on as BB-8 rolled at full speed in front of Rey to light her path._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Trying to catch her breath, Rey pounded on the steel door that led to the General’s enclave. BB-8 wobbled nearby, emitting a stream of nervous whirs. Just as Rey thought her chest might rip in half from the panic within, Leia emerged behind the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “General Organa-Leia, I’m so sorry to wake you-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Rey? What’s the matter?” The General’s voice was hoarse and her eyes bleary from sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “I’m sorry, it’s just-I have to-” She turned to wipe the tears on her sleeve, but Leia took her hands gently in her own._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ “Rey, what is going on?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Rey took in a shaky breath. “It’s…Ben. He’s in trouble.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

When Ben finally came to, he found himself trapped inside a glass cell with Hux and his hoard of Storm Troopers watching him carefully from the other side. He was sitting on the ground, hands still cuffed in front of him. It didn’t take him long to realize his light saber was no longer at his waist.

Hux sauntered closer to the glass and held up a small device in front of him. “How long did you think it would take me to find out, Ren?”

“Find out what?” Ben knew exactly what Hux held between his fingers; it was a recording device. How long, or where he had been using it, was another question.

“To find out about you and the girl.”

“What girl?”

Hux slammed his fist against the glass. “Don’t play coy with me! I know _everything_! It was only a matter of time before I caught your confession.”__

_ _He pressed a button on the device and Ben’s words to Rey were replayed: “I killed Snoke for _you_.”___ _

_ _ _ _Ben clenched his fists and lunged at the glass so swiftly that Hux almost tripped over his feet as he stepped back. Ben knew how powerful he was, but he also knew he would be no match for a brigade of armed Storm Troopers without his light saber._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Where is my light saber?” He demanded._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“I’ve put it in a spot for safe keeping,” Hux sneered. “Now, about the girl.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“You don’t know shit about the girl,” Ben spat._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Actually, I know quite a bit about her. Probably more than I ever cared too, actually.” He smirked._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Ben would have strangled him through the glass right then had it not been for the twenty guns being pointed at him by the Storm Troopers. The thought of Hux listening to his and Rey’s conversations and gaining personal knowledge about them both had him seething._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“You two had _quite_ the connection, didn’t you? And to think that this whole time you were telepathically sneaking around with a _Jedi_ behind our backs. Behind Snoke’s back, nonetheless.” _____ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He stepped closer to the glass and glared down at Ben. “I always knew you were hiding something, Ren. Or, should I say _Ben_? Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa? Yes, Ben. I quite like it. Well, you sit right here _Ben_, until I figure out what to do with you. Traitorous scum.”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Hux spun on his heel and made his way down the dark corridor, leaving the Storm Troopers with their guns trained on Ben’s cell._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey sat on Leia’s bed and told her everything that had transpired between her and Ben. She told her about their connection through the Force, his inner conflict with the dark side, Han sacrificing himself, and their battle in the Throne Room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Leia wiped the tears from her cheeks and squeezed Rey’s hand. “Rey, I wish you would have told me all of this sooner; but I’m glad you’re telling me now. I had almost given up hope of my son ever coming back to the light. I was almost convinced that he was gone for good.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“He’s not. There is still hope for Ben, but we must help him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“We have to go to him, then.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“How? We don’t know where he is.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Leia stood up and clasped her hands in front of her nervously. “I have known the location of the re-built Supremacy for some time now. Their new coordinates were not difficult to track. We were waiting until the Resistance was stronger to make a move.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You’ve known the location of the Supremacy this whole time?” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Not the whole time. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway when we didn’t have the strength or numbers to rival the First Order.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Is this it then? Our chance to take down the First Order and rescue Ben?” Rey’s stomach tightened with anticipation and dread. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“This is our chance. To take down the First Order and rescue my son.” Leia walked over to Rey and hugged her tight. “Thank you, for being there for Ben.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey returned her hug. “He was there for me, too.” Holding back a sob, she continued, “I just need him to be safe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Me too.” Leia whispered. “We can talk to the others when they wake up in a few hours.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey pulled back slightly. “I don’t know how well they will accept a rescue mission to free the Supreme Leader of the First Order.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Leia chuckled slightly. “No, me either. Which is why we will only let a couple of them in on the plan, whatever that may entail.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey nodded, dreadfully anxious about how they were going to present this predicament to the Rebels. More than that, she was anxious for Ben’s safety. They had, unsurprisingly not had a connection through the Force since he was captured by the First Order. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The thought of him in pain or being harmed in any capacity was tearing her apart inside. She sensed that he was alright, but she wished more than anything to see him so that she could know for sure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Leia seemed to sense her turmoil. They both sat back down on the bed and talked about Ben into the early hours of the morning. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _They began making preparations while the rest of the Resistance slept. The only ones who were made aware of their plan were a few pilots that had been with Leia since the beginning of their fight against the First Order. They were the few that had always been aware that Kylo was Leia and Han’s son, and she knew that they would be willing to help. These pilots had known Ben as a boy and were witnesses to his decent into Darkness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Standing outside the cave as the sun slowly penetrated the horizon, the men carried supplies onto the Falcon as Rey and Chewie checked the mechanics. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You don’t have to come.” Rey said as Chewie continued to inspect the main hold. Chewie responded in a high-pitched growl. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I appreciate it.” Rey whispered as she wiped a tear from her cheek._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Once she was satisfied with the cockpit Rey went to find Leia, who was surveying the last of the supplies being loaded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“We have a slight problem.” Rey said as she approached the General._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“What is it? Please tell me this piece of junk can still fly.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey smiled. “It can still fly. The problem is that I haven’t been able to figure out how to fix the broken light saber yet. I don’t know how much use I will be without a weapon.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Leia smiled and took Rey’s hands in hers. “You have a weapon.” She said squeezing them, and Rey knew that she was referring to the Force that flowed through her. “Besides, if worse comes to worst, I’ve heard that you can manage pretty well with a blaster.” Her face then became serious. “Have you seen Ben? Do you know if he’s alright?”  
Rey shook her head and glanced at the dirt beneath her feet. “I haven’t had a connection with him since he was captured. But I believe he’s alright. I can feel it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Rey! Wait!” Suddenly, Finn came sprinting towards them from the cave entrance. He slid to a stop in the dirt in front of Rey, out of breath. “Rey, I’m coming with you.” He declared between labored breaths._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey looked at him quizzically. “Finn? How did you-” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I’m coming with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You can’t, it’s too dangerous.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Finn looked offended, hurt even. “_Too dangerous_?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Finn, trust me. I need you here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“We could only let a few people know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“This is it, isn’t it? You’re going after the First Order?” His brow pulled together as sweat dripped down his face from running through the cave. “You’re going after the First Order, with…” Rey watched as he mentally calculated the people loading supplies. “Five people?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _A high-pitched growl could be heard from the other side of the Falcon. “Five people and a Wookie?” He stepped closer to Rey. “Rey, why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Why wasn’t I invited?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey could feel her eyes beginning to fill with tears. Finn was her dearest friend, she never meant to cause the hurt she now saw in his eyes. “Finn, it’s not like that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Then how is it? Because from where I’m standing, it feels a lot like that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You wouldn’t understand.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The hurt in his eyes became almost impossible for her to bear. _She_ was the one causing that hurt. “Try me.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She would never want to put his life in jeopardy, especially without telling him what was going on first; but she had no time to explain. “I’ll have to explain everything on the Falcon. We have to get moving.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Finn let out a breath of relief. “Ok. What can I do to help?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Can you go double-check the gun well?” Rey smiled slightly. “We’re going to need a capable shooter.” Finn turned immediately to go. “And Finn?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Ya?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I’m afraid that once you find out what our plan is, you’re going to regret agreeing to this. Which is why I didn’t want to tell you about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Finn studied her for a moment. “Does this mission involve blowing up the First Order?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Most likely, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Then I won’t have any regrets.” Finn smiled and then made his way towards the Falcon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _In the early morning light, Rey closed her eyes and let the cool wind from the forest whip around her. She pushed every thought from her mind and focused as hard as she could on Ben. “Ben,” she whispered, “I’m coming for you. Don’t give up.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The last thing she saw from the cockpit as the Falcon took to the sky was Poe running from the cave entrance with his hands waving in the air; BB-8 following close behind him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	8. Chapter 8

Their connection had become so strong that Ben was now able to hear her from across the galaxy without a full connection through the Force. He refused to allow her in because he feared what might happen to her now that Hux was aware of their connection.

He also wasn’t keen on her risking her life for him (again) but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop her; she was so stubborn. Especially when it involved risking her life for others. His chest ached. She really was the most selfless person he knew. 

For days he sat in his cell with a group of Storm Troopers’ weapons constantly trained on him through the glass. He could have decimated the glass if he wanted to. However, he wasn’t sure if he could take down the brigade of Storm Troopers waiting outside without any form of weapon.

Hux never came to interrogate him and he had a feeling that he wouldn’t. Hux wouldn’t face Kylo Ren alone, not even with the finest of his Storm Troopers behind him. Even weaponless, he still feared Kylo. 

On the firm cot pressed against his cell wall sleep evaded him, as it had so often before he began meeting Rey at night. So, he sat. And he waited. Often, he let his mind wander to their conversations, never allowing his memories of her to come fully to the forefront of his mind.

“We’re rescuing _who_?” Finn’s brow furrowed, and his voice became high-pitched like it always did when he was incredulous. Below the surface of his confusion, she sensed anger.__

_ _“This is why I didn’t tell you in the first place.” Rey sighed._ _

_ _He took a deep breath. “No. No, hold on. Just tell me why we’re _rescuing_ the Supreme Leader of the First Order?”___ _

_ _ _ _Rey began to explain their Force connection to the best of her ability. She realized how completely insane it must have sounded to someone that wasn’t able to experience it. She went back to the very beginning, when they were first connected on Ach-to and how he revealed his past to her. How he had been there for her in the cave when she so desperately wanted to see her parents and had never felt more alone in her entire life._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Finn’s mouth had opened so far that she was afraid his jaw might become unhinged when she told him about the Throne Room and how they fought side by side._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“He killed Snoke? For you?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“There is deep conflict in him, there has been for a long time. The person that you know him as, that everyone knows him as, that isn’t Ben.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _The crease between his eyebrows returned. “Have you been…uh, talking to him this whole time?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Not since he was captured.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“But I mean before that, like this whole time we’ve been in hiding?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Rey could feel her cheeks beginning to flush. “No. Not the whole time.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“So, you have been having conversations with the Supreme Leader of the First Order? While we’ve been in hiding?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Yes, but it’s not like that.” She stammered as she could see the realization beginning to dawn on him. “He doesn’t know our location. He isn’t able to _see_ where I am.”___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“You’re sure about that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Yes, I’m positive.” She paused, slightly hurt. “I would never do anything to jeopardize the Resistance and you know that.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I know that. But you really think you can trust him that much? That he’s not just trying to get information from you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I trust him. Plus, you can’t lie when the person you’re talking to can read your every thought.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Finn was quiet as he processed her confessions. “That’s why you didn’t tell Poe.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Poe…wouldn’t have understood.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I’m not completely sure I understand.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Rey smiled. “But at least you’re trying to. Which is more than I can say for Poe. I don’t know how all of this is going to play out, but I do know the kind of welcome I can expect from him when we get back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“He’s going to be fucking pissed.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“To put it mildly, yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ok, so I can somewhat-or at least I’m trying to-understand you going rogue. What I don’t understand is how you got the _General_ involved but not Poe?”___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey took a slow, steadying breath before letting her next words out. “The General is involved because Ben is Leia and Han Solo’s son.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Before Finn had a chance to respond, the systems information display beeped to notify them that there were only two parsecs left until they reached the coordinates of the Supremacy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Finn, do you know where they keep prisoners on the Supremacy?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Of course, but it’s not like the First Order is just going to let you waltz in for visiting hours.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Luckily for us, there will be a lot less of the First Order to deal with now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Rey, how exactly are you planning on getting in there?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“The escape pod.” She answered without hesitation. When Finn looked at her quizzically, she continued. “It worked well enough the first time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“The first time? Oh…right. The Throne Room.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She could feel heat rising in her cheeks, although she wasn’t exactly sure why. They were close now, and she needed to focus on getting to Ben. “I’ll take the escape pod and Chewie will land the Falcon in the hangar at the same time. As soon as we all get out, we start the attack.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“The seven of us are going to take on the rest of the First Order?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Chewie let out a growl from down the corridor. “The seven of us, weapons, and a large bag of explosives.” Rey corrected. “Ok this is it, we’re close.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Chewie took Rey’s spot in the pilot’s seat as she made her way to the escape pod with Finn right behind her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Are you sure about this?” He asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“No, I’m not.” She replied truthfully as she positioned herself into the escape pod with a blaster. “But I have to try. I’ll see you down there.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	9. Chapter 9

Her chest tightened as she opened the escape pod; hoping that the other Resistance fighters would walk out of the Falcon at the exact same moment, lest she take on the remainder of the First Order on her own. As soon as the cover was open, she heard shots being fired from behind her. She began firing shots of her own at the first sight of white armor she glimpsed.

The sound of explosives pierced her ears as she and the others continued to take down Storm Troopers. The group guarding the hangar had not been large and it didn’t take long to get rid of them. After the smoke had cleared, Finn ran over to her from the Falcon with Leia following close behind.

“Go,” she said, “we’ll stay here in case more come.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Rey asked.

“I can’t move as fast as I used to and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. Find my son.”

Rey nodded and took off with Finn.

They had no problem getting to the elevator that would take them down to the prison cells on the bottom level. “This is bizarre.” Finn whispered. “I mean, I know the Resistance took out a large chunk of their army, but this place is like a graveyard. Do you think they’re just playing us and they’re going to pop out of nowhere suddenly?”

“Let’s hope not.” Rey whispered as she picked up her pace. It was difficult to move quietly through the halls when their every footstep echoed off the pristine floors.

“They sure put this thing back together quickly after it was decimated.” Finn mused.

“Finn? Maybe less talking, more finding the prison cells?”

“Right, turn here.”

At the very end of the corridor stood a row of glass cells on either side of them. She knew immediately that Ben was in the farthest one being guarded by a dozen or so Storm Troopers. Finn started shooting immediately as she flung a smoke bomb in the center of them. They both continued to shoot their blasters until they were no longer being shot at.

As the smoke cleared, Rey walked timidly over the bodies of dead Storm Troopers towards the last cell on the right side. Covering her mouth and waving her arms to clear the smoke away, she stopped in front of the glass. There, in the middle of the cell stood Ben Solo with his eyes locked on hers.

Her breath caught in her chest and she couldn’t believe how utterly relieved she was to see him standing before her, unharmed. Never breaking eye contact, she raised her hand to the glass, and it shattered in between them.

“Ben.” She whispered, hardly able to believe that he was here in front of her, instead of just in her mind.

Glass crunched beneath her boots as she slowly made her way to him. Finally closing the distance between them, she wrapped her arms around his torso instinctively. “Are you alright?” She mumbled into the fabric covering his chest.

Ben stood there for a moment in complete shock. He couldn’t believe that she was _here_ on the Supremacy; that she had come for _him_. He could barely form a coherent thought with her arms wrapped around him and her hair close enough to inhale. He breathed deeply.____

_ _ _ _“I’m fine.” He managed, stiffly._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Feeling her arms loosen minutely around him, he knew he needed to act quickly. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her and, placing his hands gently on her back, brought her close again. Closing his eyes, he again breathed in her scent. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Here she was, this small scavenger from Jakku on a mission to rescue him, in his arms. He wasn’t sure how long they would have stood in their embrace if FN2187 hadn’t awkwardly cleared his throat behind them. Ben immediately dropped his arms to his sides and glared as Rey turned towards him._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“We have to go,” she whispered as she turned back to face him. Considering his eyes, she offered him her small hand. He reached out and accepted as he then followed her from the cell._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Noise from the battle ahead escalated as they quickly made their way to the hangar. The first thing he noticed was the Falcon, looming behind the group of Storm Troopers and Resistance fighters locked in combat. He stopped suddenly and stared as anger bubbled inside of him. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Rey turned towards him, urging him forward as she tugged on his hand. As they continued to make their way through the haze from explosives, he was able to make out her small figure firing from the ramp of the Falcon; his mother._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _She halted her fire and locked eyes with him. The firing from both sides had ceased as the bodies of multiple Storm Troopers littered the hangar floor. He stepped over them as he cautiously made his way towards her._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He could see tears forming in her eyes as she descended from the Falcon’s ramp. He paused, completely unsure of his next move. He had sensed her presence before they had arrived in the hangar, but he had not thought of what he would say when they were face to face. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Part of him just wanted her to wrap her arms around him and hold him like she used to do when he was a boy. The other part of him wanted to apologize, but he knew he wasn’t strong enough to formulate the words._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Before he was able to come to a decision, the sound of a blaster rang through the hangar and her figure collapsed to the ground in front of him._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Furiously, Ben turned and squinted through the remaining haze to find Hux standing with his blaster aimed at his mother._ _ _ _


	10. Chapter 10

Rey gasped in horror as she watched Leia collapse to the ground; she and Chewie ran to her at the same time. She had been shot in the chest, but was still conscious as she lay unmoving on the Falcon’s ramp.

As Chewie gingerly picked up her up, Rey whispered, “Leia, it’s ok. You’re going to be fine, we’ll get you help.” She could feel tears beginning to build in her eyes, not knowing if they would be able to get her the help she needed in time.

Chewie ran up the Falcon’s ramp with the rest of the Resistance fighters behind him and Leia in his arms. Rey turned to find Ben with his arm outstretched towards Hux. Hux’s face was almost purple as he clutched desperately at his neck.

“Ben! We have to go!” She yelled. He didn’t stop. She could feel his anger; he was going to strangle Hux to death. She waved Chewie on as she ran back to Ben and grabbed his arm. “Ben, we have to get her back to base!”

Suddenly, Hux fell to the ground, gasping and spluttering small amounts of blood. With his arm still outstretched, Ben pulled his lightsaber from Hux’s belt back into his hand. Once everyone was on board, the Falcon took flight with Chewie in the cockpit and the rest tending to Leia the best they could with the limited medical supplies they had on board. 

The best they were able to do was bandage the wound and administer some heavy pain medication until they returned to their base. Ben had left the room, most likely not willing or able to see his mother so gravely injured.

After making sure Leia was as comfortable as possible, Rey found him in a small enclave sitting on one of the couches slumped over with his head in his hands. She knew what he was thinking; of course, she did.

“Ben, it’s not your fault. We’ll get her better help once we’re back at the base.”

“She shouldn’t have come.” He sighed into his hands. “No one should have.”

It hurt her to hear him say that. She gently took his hands and moved them from his face, so she could see him. “Did you really think we were just going to leave you in a First Order prison cell?”

His brown eyes studied her intently. “Why not?”

Her brows furrowed together as she studied his face, questioningly. In that moment, she realized just how completely exhausted and spent he was. The dark circles had returned under his eyes, making it appear as though he hadn’t slept properly in months. His disheveled hair fell into his sweaty face and there was moisture in his eyes. He was a complete mess; physically and mentally.

Something stirred inside of her; a completely foreign feeling that she had never experienced. Relief to finally be sitting here next to him, mixed with…something else she was unable to put her finger on. She hadn’t realized just how much she missed his physical presence until that moment. She had missed him _so much_; the time since she had last seen him in person seemed like an eternity. __

_ _Before she could stop herself, she was leaning in towards him; close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face. The moment was so reminiscent of their last Force connection; except this time, he was actually here in front of her._ _

_ _Threading her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, she closed her eyes and tentatively pressed her lips against his. They were soft and pillowy, just as she remembered them to be from the last time when they had kissed with thousands of parsecs between them._ _

_ _At first, he seemed shocked, but it didn’t take long for his lips to respond to hers. The electricity between them surged; she had never felt anything like it, and she wanted _more_. Pressing herself impossibly closer against his body, she allowed every feeling she had for him to pour from her lips to his. ___ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Her lips were pressed against his and he couldn’t fucking breathe. There were so many emotions stirring within him. Shock, confusion, relief, and something else…something he couldn’t quite identify. Kissing her here, in person, was so much better than through the bond they shared. Every emotion, every stroke of his tongue against hers was charged with an electrical current.He felt as though he could never get enough of her. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Shakily, he ran his hand along her ribs until he reached her waist where he then rested his trembling fingers. The feeling of her body pressed so tightly against his as her tongue continued to dominate his was enough cause for his dick to begin to strain against the fabric of his pants. They continued to kiss for a while, his other hand now tangled in her hair, her slight moans of approval and contentment further encouraging his straining dick._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _She pulled away from him suddenly as they both heard footsteps approaching. Wiping her mouth with her fingertips and attempting to smooth her hair, she turned from him to face Chewie, who stood in the doorway not far from the couch they shared._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Shifting uncomfortably, he attempted to alleviate the strain in his pants. Eyeing Rey’s puffy lips and flushed cheeks was only making his situation more uncomfortable. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“What is it?” She asked Chewie, voice uncharacteristically shaky._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Chewie looked from her face to his, and he immediately dropped his eyes to the floor in shame. He growled something incoherent that Rey apparently understood as she nodded in response. Ben could feel Chewie’s eyes on him until he turned to leave the small room. He knew he needed to say something to him; to explain what happened that night on Starkiller Base, but he was unable to. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Leia is stable, for now.” Rey said as she returned her attention to him. “We are getting closer to the base where we have more medical supplies to properly treat her.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Looking at her, his head began to spin, and he felt the weight of his physical and emotional exhaustion begin to hit him. She smiled slightly, sadly, and then gestured for him to lean his head against her shoulder. She threaded her fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp as his eyes fluttered shut._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He had almost fallen into a desperately needed sleep with his head resting against hers as they neared the base. Panic began to slowly rise within him; not sure of what to expect once they landed._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _She was able to sense his building panic. “It will be alright.” She whispered. “Eventually.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“What are you going to tell them?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“I’m…not entirely sure yet. But it will be fine. Don’t worry.” Ever the optimist. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _As soon as the Falcon landed, Chewie gently lifted his mother in his arms again. Ben’s priority was making sure she received the help she needed, not what the fucking lackeys of the Resistance had to say to, or about him._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _The door opened, and he squinted as his eyes were met with the dazzling light from a nearby sun. It occurred to him just how long it had been since he had been on a world with that amount of sunlight. It was so warm and inviting; he wished he could have stayed to soak it in._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _They were then met with the rest of the Resistance, who were none too pleased with the members who had gone on a rogue mission._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Rey! Finn! What the fuck?” It was the pilot, the one he had tortured for information about the map. He then saw Chewie carrying Leia. “What the _FUCK_? What happened?” He ran towards them but came to a sliding halt when he saw Kylo following them down the ramp. He pulled out his blaster and aimed.___ _ _ _


	11. Chapter 11

“Stop! Poe, wait!” Rey yelled, simultaneously causing Poe’s weapon to fall limply from his hands. Shocked, the other Resistance fighters standing to the side of Poe continued to train their guns cautiously on Kylo.

“Rey? What the hell?” Poe, almost frightened by Rey’s sudden use of the Force, glanced at his blaster, now lying in the dirt by his feet. “What the hell is he doing here?” He asked, gesturing towards Kylo. “What is going on? Someone better fill me in real quick.”

“I’ll explain everything, but please, first we need to get her inside.”

“Of course.” He replied, looking warily at Leia’s body in Chewie’s arms. “But no fucking way is he coming in.” He added, pointing to Kylo and then picking up his blaster from the dirt.

“Poe, please.” She whispered. “I promise, I’ll explain.” The majority of the Rebels followed Chewie into the cave while a couple lingered outside, staring daggers at Kylo.

“No _fucking way_ is that scum coming into _our_ base.” An older man chimed in, spitting in the dirt near Kylo’s boot. He came closer, followed by a few other men still gripping their blasters and glaring at them. Poe put up his hand to stop the men from coming any closer.____

_ _ _ _“Look, Rey. I don’t understand what the fuck is going on here, but there is no way in hell that the Supreme Leader of the fucking First Order is coming with us. Unless he’s here to renounce himself?” He turned towards Kylo, daring him to answer. Kylo glared at him in response. “No? Then absolutely no fucking way. Why don’t you both go back to wherever you failed to inform the rest of us you were?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Poe, hold on.” Finn cut in. “There’s some shit you need to know about that we couldn’t tell you until now. Please, give us a chance to explain.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“There’s some shit you need to know, too.” It was the older man again, balling up his fists. “Some of our family members were killed because of _him_.” He spat, pointing a bony finger at Kylo. “The only thing that needs to be explained to us is who gets to kill him.”___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _The muscles in Poe’s jaw tightened. He stood for a moment glaring at the three of them and then turned to Kylo specifically. “Give me your weapon. Not that you actually need it to fuck with people anyway.” _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I’m not giving you shit.” Kylo spat. “And how dare you demand-” Blasters were again aimed at his face._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ben,” Rey turned to him. “Will you let me keep it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He studied her for a moment and then removed his lightsaber from his belt. She took it from him and attached it to hers._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Alright?” She asked, turning back to Poe. Poe gestured curtly for them to walk in front of him as he continued to flex his jaw and glare._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Poe, what the fuck?” A younger man moved in front of Poe, blocking his path to the entrance._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“He’ll be locked up.” Poe answered shortly, closing any invitation for further discussion._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Once inside the cave, Leia was taken to her room where she was hooked up to multiple medical devices. She remained unconscious as the rest of the Resistance tried their best to remain cautiously optimistic. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Rey knew that Ben was not able to handle seeing his mother under such circumstances. She stayed next to her bed for awhile and then decided that she eventually needed to face Poe. When she found him, he excused himself from the conversation he was having. Some of the other men he had been speaking with glared at her, while others looked frightened. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Where have you put him?” She asked, once they were alone._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“A room in the back, by himself.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Rey, I don’t know what to say. Except what the fuck? But I feel like it’s already been established that this is beyond a what-the-fuck type of situation.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Poe, I-”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Look, Finn already told me just about everything.” Poe inhaled deeply. “He’s the General’s son.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“There’s more to it than just that.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I’m not even going to try to pretend to understand your freaky Jedi connection with him. I just wish you would have clued me in before going rogue.” He looked towards the ground and shifted his feet in the dirt._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I didn’t think you would understand, and I didn’t have time to argue.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I still don’t understand a whole lot of it. And I don’t trust him. Not one bit. What are you even expecting to happen? He clearly has no interest in fighting with us _against_ the First Order.”___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I don’t know Poe, I really don’t. Only time will tell. Just trust me, please.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Poe studied her, a mix of emotions on his face. “He stays in that room. That’s the only safety I can guarantee him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey nodded as BB-8 rolled up to them. He let out a few distraught beeps and then allowed his head to hang down. Tears filled Rey’s eyes as she remembered their conversation on Jakku about being left behind by the ones they loved. He was wondering why she had done the exact same thing to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“BB-8, I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “I never meant to abandon anyone. It was an emergency and I knew I would be coming back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He chirped his acceptance of her apology and then sped up to follow Poe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _That night, she waited until everyone else was asleep in their bunks. Then she crept through the women’s room and the large opening at the front of the cave to the opposite side. His room was the farthest away from the main opening and almost completely isolated in a back corner._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She didn’t bother to knock on the steel door because he knew she would be coming. He sat on the bottom bunk of his bed, head in his hands as he stared at the ground, the only source of light from the small fire burning in a corner pit. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He looked up as she slowly approached him, watching her through the hair that had fallen in his face. “How is she?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Rey sat down on the mattress next to him. “She’s…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You don’t have to lie.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Even if she did, he would have known. “She’s still unconscious. We’re not sure, really. Just waiting to see how she does.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He nodded his appreciation that she wasn’t trying to sugar-coat the situation. She took his hand in hers and they sat, lost in each other’s thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You’re exhausted, you should get some rest.” She went to stand up, but he didn’t let go of her hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Will you stay?” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She paused for a moment and then sat back down, moving into a sleeping position with her head on his pillow. He pulled his legs up and lay down behind her with his head also on the pillow and his back to the cave wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She wondered how his large frame was going to fit on the mattress that probably matched his height. He tentatively put his arm around her, and she snuggled her back against his chest, a slight smile playing at the corner of her lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It was the first time she could recall ever sharing a bed with another person. His body pressed against hers was strong and firm. She felt safe with his arm around her and it didn’t take long for her to drift into a peaceful, much needed rest. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Exhausted, he forced himself to stay awake awhile longer. He refused to miss out on the reality of having her warm body pressed against his as she snored lightly. There was so much _wrong_ in his life. But in that moment, with Rey sleeping peacefully in his arms, it felt like things could almost be right.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _When he was no longer able to keep his heavy eyelids from falling, he buried his nose into her hair, and inhaling deeply, he allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	12. Chapter 12

She had left the next morning before he woke up and he didn’t see her at all throughout the day. That evening, she returned with a plate of food, a couple of worn-down books, and a set of parchment. He noticed that she also carried the lightsaber that had split between them after their battle in the Throne Room. 

“I figured it might get a bit boring in here all day.” She said, handing him the plate of food and setting the other items on the mattress next to him. “The books are ancient, but I also found these.” She held up the parchment and a set of calligraphy pens.

His eyes widened slightly. He had not touched a calligraphy set since his time at the Jedi camp and knew she must have seen it in his memories. Picking up the pens, he examined each one. They weren’t high-quality by any means; not at all like the set he had at the camp. However, it meant everything to him that she knew writing was important to him and had taken the time to track down a set somewhere in that god-forsaken cave.

“You should eat something,” she said as he continued to examine the pens.

“Thank you.” He blurted.

Even in the dark room, barely lit by the light from the fire, he could see the slight blush in her cheeks. “You’re welcome. Now, eat.”

He started eating as she sat down next to him and began fiddling with the broken lightsaber. For awhile he just watched her, noting the way her eyebrows pulled together and the little huffs she let out when she was getting frustrated.

“I can fix that.” He said nonchalantly between bites of the mush on his plate.

She looked up at him, surprised. “You can?”

“Of course. I’ll need some tools though.” He grabbed a pen and piece of parchment and wrote down the tools he needed so she could locate them. “If you can find these tomorrow, I can get started on it.”

They fell asleep in the same position as the previous night, him forcing himself to stay awake long enough to hear her soft snores against his pillow. He awoke the following morning to find her face against his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his back. He pulled her impossibly closer, reveling silently in the last moments of her body pressed so tightly against his.

Opening her eyes, she breathed contentedly at the sensation of being wrapped in his arms, their bodies pressed tightly against each other’s. Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized just _how much_ of him was pressed against her. She blushed furiously, untangling herself from their embrace.__

_ _That evening, she brought him the list of tools he had requested along with another meal. She began repairing the lightsaber with his guidance as he ate. When he had finished eating, he took it and continued the repairs. _ _

_ _“How is my mother?” He asked, eyes fixated on the lightsaber. _ _

_ _“She’s still unconscious, but stable.”_ _

_ _He nodded. _ _

_ _For a while, she watched as his nimble fingers repaired the lightsaber. As she studied the movements of his fingers, memories of the Throne Room surfaced. One memory in particular; the things he had said to her after they had defeated the Praetorian guards._ _

_ _His fingers paused their movements and he looked at her. “That’s not what I meant.” He said, recalling the same memory she was fixated on._ _

_ _“You said I was nothing. What else could you have meant?”_ _

_ _He sighed and set the lightsaber on the mattress next to him. “I meant that you have this…this raw power flowing through you. That kind of power is usually only found in bloodlines that are strong in the Force. Your parents weren’t strong in the Force; they were nobody. They don’t have a place in this story, but you do.”_ _

_ _“But I’m still nothing.”_ _

_ _“Rey,” his brows furrowed together as he sensed her confusion, her hurt. “You’re everything to me.” He whispered hoarsely._ _

_ _Suddenly, his lips collided with hers and he kissed her fiercely. His lips were wet and warm as they consumed hers. This kiss was somehow different than the others they had previously shared. This one was sloppy, desperate as their lips moved against each other’s. _ _

_ _She returned his desperation as she parted her lips and slipped her tongue into his mouth. He moaned slightly, and she brought her hand up to tangle her fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth impossibly closer to hers. _ _

_ _The wave of desire that washed over her was both exciting and terrifying. In that moment, nothing else mattered but her and Ben as his mouth continued to consume hers. She couldn’t get close enough to him; couldn’t get _enough_ of him.___ _

_ _ _ _She swung her leg around his waist, straddling him. He inhaled deeply, and she could feel him against her, just like she had earlier that morning. As their lips and tongues continued to move desperately against each other’s, he cautiously moved his hands along her thighs. She pulled his pouty bottom lip between hers and sucked on it, eliciting a moan from deep in his throat. His hands paused when they reached his lightsaber attached to her belt._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He knew she could feel him, rock solid between her legs, there was no way she couldn’t. The second she straddled him, he was gone. Complete desire coursed through him like nothing he had ever felt before. He tried his best to avoid lifting his hips into her, but he was desperate to increase the friction between them. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He ran his hands along her thighs until one rested on a familiar object attached to her belt; his lightsaber. He had almost forgotten that she was keeping it for him._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Reluctantly pulling away, he looked down at the hilt on her waist. “Here, you can have it back.” She whispered breathlessly as she went to unhook it from her belt._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _His hand stopped hers. “No, keep it. It looks good on you.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _She smirked, rolling her eyes and trying to play off the blush creeping into her cheeks. His lips returned to hers and he tentatively slipped his hands beneath her shirt, moving them slightly higher up her sides. He was now dangerously close to her breasts and paused his hands directly below them._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _She leaned forwards slightly, seemingly encouraging him. As she did, she inadvertently rubbed against his cock and he couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips. She pulled back and looked down at him. Then she pressed herself firmly against him and repeated the motion, watching his reaction as she did so. He closed his eyes and barely suppressed a groan._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Still watching him, she pressed herself into him impossibly firmer, sliding back and forth against him. This time, her breath caught in her throat and he knew she was experiencing the same sensation he was. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Her lips returned to his as his fingers skimmed the bottom of her breast. Suddenly, her fingers trailed from his side down to his waistband. She fumbled clumsily with the zipper as he took her breast in his hand. It was small and soft, like nothing he had ever had the pleasure of feeling. She breathed heavily into his mouth as she continued unsuccessfully with his zipper._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He slid his fingers along her breast, taking in every sensation and then lightly pinched her nipple between his fingers. He longed to touch _every_ part of her. When he figured she had struggled enough with his zipper, he reached down with his other hand and unzipped it for her, never taking his lips from hers. She paused for a moment and he could sense her hesitation. This was too much for her; the intimacy, the desire too intense.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _She pulled back from him and he removed his hand from under her shirt. “Ben, I um…I have to go. I’m sorry.” She straightened her shirt and smoothed down her hair as he watched her leave the room. The steel door shut, and he was left by himself._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _When he was sure she was far enough away, he slipped his hand down his pants and took himself in his hand, freeing his cock. He imagined the sensation of her soft breast in his hand and her moist lips against his as his hand moved up and down his length. It only took him a few strokes before he exploded, his cum dripping onto his pants. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He leaned back against his pillow and closed his eyes, wondering what the fuck had just happened between them, and more importantly, how long it would be before he saw her again._ _ _ _ _ _


	13. Chapter 13

She didn’t come back that night, or the next. He was unable to sleep without her next to him, holding him close and keeping his demons away. Becoming restless, he worked on the broken lightsaber until it was completely repaired. He longed to go outside, to feel the warmth of the sun, almost as desperately as he longed for her to return. 

On the third evening, he was almost positive she wasn’t going to come when the steel door to his room opened slowly. She stood there hesitantly with his dinner, avoiding eye contact. He wanted to smirk at her adorable awkwardness, but he knew better.

He grabbed the lightsaber and showed it to her. “I fixed it.”

Her eyes lit up and her lips parted slightly as she gazed at the repaired weapon in his hand. She walked towards him and traded the dinner plate for it. 

“How did you do it?”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that hard.” She turned it in her hand, a look of awe spreading across her face. “We can train together now. If you want to.”

Her eyes met his for the first time since she opened the door. “Ben, I’m sorry. About the other night.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

She slowly sat down on the bed next to him. “I’ve never, um…” She trailed off, looking down at her hands.

She was so embarrassed but so fucking adorable. “The thing is, I haven’t…I don’t really know…”

“Rey, I haven’t either.”

She looked at him in shock. “You haven’t?”

He smirked. “No, I haven’t.” When would he have even had the opportunity anyway?

Smiling slightly, she averted her eyes. “Maybe we can…try it again? After you eat. You should eat.”

He studied her, hardly able to contain his desire. “I’m not hungry,” he whispered hoarsely, setting the plate on the ground. 

She looked up at him and he moved closer, pressing his lips against hers.

She had been so embarrassed about leaving him that night; especially leaving him so quickly in _that_ sort of state. She had obviously never been with anyone in that capacity before and had suddenly found herself overwhelmed and confused. Just by looking at him, she could tell that he hadn’t slept in a couple of nights, causing her to feel impossibly worse about the ordeal.__

_ _The desire never abated, and she knew that with the bond they shared, there was nothing for her to be embarrassed about. This was _Ben_, he knew everything about her and would be the last person to judge her past, or lack thereof. ___ _

_ _ _ _She gratefully accepted his lips and reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair, sighing contentedly at the familiar sensations. Lying back on the bed with her head resting on his pillow, she pulled him down on top of her._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _For awhile their lips and tongues moved against each other’s languidly as he balanced on his forearm above her. He slowly moved his hand beneath her shirt, and she flinched at his cold touch._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Are you alright?” He asked, hand pausing on her side._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Ya, your hand is just cold.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“I’m sorry.” He went to remove his hand, but she took it and placed it back under her shirt._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“It’s fine, it just startled me.” He nodded and continued kissing her. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _After taking her breast in his hand and massaging her nipple between his nimble fingers, she moved hers down towards his zipper between them. She fumbled with it for awhile before huffing in frustration. Smirking against her lips, he undid the zipper for her._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“I almost had it.” She scowled._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Mmhmm.” He nodded._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He moved his lips to her neck and started sucking as she slowly dipped her fingers below his waistline, fingers trembling slightly. The sensation of his lips against the delicate skin on her neck was almost too much; she felt light-headed._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Are you alright?” He whispered again against her skin._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Yes.” She breathed._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Her fingers encountered coarse hair below his waistband. Farther below, her fingers found him; hard and straining against the fabric of his pants. Releasing him from him pants, she paused for a moment; not entirely sure what to do next and completely shocked by the _size_ of him in her hand. Aware that he was reading her every thought, he waited patiently for her to figure it out.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _She wrapped her hand around him and squeezed gently, eliciting a moan. “Is that alright?” She asked as she moved her hand slowly up and down._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Perfect.” He breathed._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Squeezing her hand tighter, she repeated the motion. Noticing a small amount of liquid forming at his tip, she rubbed it gently with her thumb across his most sensitive area. He let out a shaky breath, warm air caressing her face. As she continued to move her hand along his length, his hand moved from her breast to her waistline. She paused suddenly as he began clumsily undoing her zipper._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Is this alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Um…”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I want you to feel what I’m feeling.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ok, just go slow?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He nodded, and she resumed stroking him. Cautiously, he dipped his fingers below her waistline and into her hair. Suddenly, she was embarrassed; was she supposed to have hair down there like he did? He didn’t mention it, so she pushed the thought from her mind._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _She gasped as she felt his fingers against her. He paused and allowed her to become familiar with the sensation. Then he rubbed his fingers against her gently._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ok?” He breathed._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Yes, that’s-” her voice almost caught in her throat, “perfect actually.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _She returned her focus to him and increased her pressure and speed. “Fuck.” He groaned. “Hold on, I’m going to come soon.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“You’re going to what?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“I’m going to come; explode all over your hand. Just, stop for a minute.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ok…” She didn’t quite understand._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He continued kissing her and increased his pressure as he rubbed circles around her with his thumb. Dipping his fingertips gently into her gathered moisture, he massaged her slick arousal against her most sensitive spot, as she had done to his. She moaned, gently biting her bottom lip. Her breathing was becoming erratic, but she was still confused. “Don’t you want me to keep going?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Kriff, yes. Just not yet, hold on.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _There was a pressure building within her and she was becoming desperate for it to be released. She began moving her hips into his hand to increase the sensation._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _“Ok, you can keep going now.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _She again took him in her hand and began stroking, speeding up her movements to match his pace. Suddenly, he tensed, and she felt a warm liquid dripping from him into her hand and onto her exposed stomach as he groaned. All her questions evaporated as a sudden wave of ecstasy washed over her. She gripped his hair tightly and moaned, eyes clenched shut as the wave decreased in intensity._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He collapsed beside her as they both attempted to catch their breaths. He pulled his black, long-sleeved shirt over his head and handed it to her. “To wipe off your hand.” He said sheepishly. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _So many questions swirled around her mind as they lay next to each other, allowing their breathing to slow to a normal pace. She was too embarrassed to ask any of them but knew that he was aware of her every thought._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Instead, she wrapped her arm around his back and rested her head in the crook of his arm. In the dim firelight, she could make out the scar on his chest; the scar she had given him on the ice planet. She gently pressed her lips against it and snuggled against him as he pulled her closer._ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
